just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Are my feet made of real feet?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
