did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
