I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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