you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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