the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
