If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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