CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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