Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
worst night to have a conscience
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
