Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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