the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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