What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
