I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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