i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
