sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
