You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
