I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
