My friends, they love my intelligence
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
