I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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