Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
