If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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