whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
bring money and cleavage
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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