PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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