I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
