so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
