i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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