just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
