We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
