I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
