summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
