He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
