Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
