So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
