Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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