Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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