Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
