Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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