dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
