I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
