How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
