i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
