no you cant smoke seaweed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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