So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
