You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
