Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
