1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
