How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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