Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
