I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
