just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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