I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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