Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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