Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
